Books on everything

When I fist began this blog, one of my first posts was about a book I came across on being a male escort. Today I came across another that also made me think about the kinds of reading out there - The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men. Turns out it's part of a series of sorts on sexual practices. There is one for anal sex and women, fellatio, strap-ons, lesbian pregnancy, etc. Yes, they will publish anything.

In today's society where it ok to talk about sex, if not mandated, these kinds of books are expected. Sex and sexuality are taught as classes in college; students major in the study. The library I work in not only holds the aforementioned male escort tbook, but also The new topping book as well as many older books written on various sex subjects. t Television and movies no longer sensually hint at the act but show the characters in flagrante delecto (I have no problem saying that people are having sex, intercourse, coitus, etc. I just love that phrase!). Books and series like Sex & the City or Straight up & Dirty have told women, at least, that it's not just ok to be sexual, but to declare it to world! With details!

I know that I am not the only one who has looked at this openness and wondered, is it all it's cracked up to be? Have we lost all sense of modesty, or of romance? Are we too quick to rationalize our sexual desires, name them and put a psychological reasoning behind it all? Can you really have irrational, spontaneous passion if you'd been planning it all day like you read in Redbook? Sex as reproduction is what we all in the animal kingdom do. And for a few of us lucky(??) extra-intelligent species, there is enjoyment in it. I am sure that there is a lot for psychology to say about the reasons why we are a culture obsessed with sex, yadda yadda yadda, but I don't really care. We are. Besides, a lot of it is just due to past repressions, anyway. But now we are obsessed with talking about sex, and apparently, reading about it. I wonder, with all this expose, if sex can still be personal, intimate? Many would make us think that if we don't share openly our sex lives or don't openly experiment with different positions that we're prudes and stuck in the dark ages. Women are attacked for not being feminists and embracing their sensuality. But this isn't the place for one of my rants on sex and culture. This is about The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men.

I have this thing with sex instruction books like the Ultimate Guides mentioned above. Yes, these books in particular normalize previously "underground" "unspoken" practices, and that's good in a way. But I can't help but feel like it also sterilizes them! It takes something that we do for pleasure and turns it in to school! I can't imagine desiring to study for my next date. For centuries people have been having sex of all kinds with all sorts of people and things - sometimes it was good, sometimes it wasn't. They learned and grew. Lesbians aren't new, and I highly doubt strap-ons are that novel, either. Must we all go in to our first experiences as experts? Where's the fun in that?! Sure, sex ala Bushnell's Samantha may be fun, but so is the journey there. First times are awkward, weird, fun, and memorable. Did I mention fun? The mystery of it is part of that.

So, it's great that you know a lot about anal sex and want to share it. And I understand that someone wants to learn about it. But why take the leap a little blindly? You can know how to be safe without getting a master's degree on the subject. Enjoy growing through experiences! And for pete's sake, don't take it all so damn seriously!!

10.09 EDIT - Just came across The Lesbian S/M Safety Manual edited by Pat Califia. The synop on the back begins, "This handy guide is an essential item for the leather dyke who wants to be well-informed about how to play safe and stay healthy." Ok, for safety (in BDSM, certain scenarios), I get having a book.

Chick Lit

What is it about chick lit? THere isn't a specific genre of writing pertaining to men, but we definitely distinguish those books by and about women. Chick lit. After reading Palahnuik's Choke I decided to let the brain mush a bit with some YA chick lit, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants by Ann Brashares. I liked it. It was feel-goody teenager lit, and I could close my eyes and imagine the cute boys from the movie. I then picked up an adult chick lit book recommended by a co-worker. THere is a great difference between the YA and the adult kind. The latter is often akin to Sex and the City. My current reading is a memoir by a New York City gal who is recently divorced, Stephanie Klein's Straight Up and Dirty. It really is like Sex and the City, only FAR less annoying and no having to look at Kim Cattrall's old lady tits. Plus Klein is hysterical, especially when describing the men she dates. Carey Bradshaw's running commentary was too nice. She never would have described a man's too-small penis as a button mushroom, and then giggled at the thought later while in bed with him. I like Klein's neuroses, because I have some of them, too. I like her bluntness, her honesty, the fact that admits to most of what's wrong with her. More human than those fembots on HBO.
Every once in a while she groans on about something really stupid and fem-culture and I want to hurl. There is only so much I have in common with my gender, and only so much I can take of them. That's why I don't read too much chick lit. It would get to me. Sci-fi and fantasy I can usually take in large doses and often. But chick lit is usually the same - man troubles, shopping, dieting, how do you take your martini?, sex, shoes, men, bitching about other women. You need to space them out so you can forget what happened in the last one.
Why do we like these books, though? Whether fiction or memoir, most are the same or similar. And all are based heavily on mainstrean media and cultural stereotypes about what our culture really is like. I read these words and am amazed that this is a real woman and not fiction. I think that I learn more about the modern woman through these books. Yeah, I am a modern woman, but I've spent a lot of time estranged from my gender culturally. Not in a trans kind of way. They just tend to annoy me. Books and TV help me remember what people are usually expecting when they look at me and see the breasts.

Thus far Stright up and Dirty is good when she's being funny, and drags when she gets too philosophical. I want to sit with a pencil and annotate it (ie "This is like ex-boyfriend so-and-so") and then give it to my cousin to read and do the same. There are sections, I swear, she could have written.